valentines romance from terrence higgins trust

this is a message we found on facebook from the terrence higgins trust. it reframes a message that seems to have gotten lost in many circles of gay men's culture. there may need to be some dating before a marriage takes place... happy valentine's day

Valentine's romance...



We’ve all been there. You’ve had the perfect romantic evening, things are drawing to their natural conclusion, and suddenly up crops the issue of safer sex. Whether you’ve only met that night or have been together for years, we know it can feel difficult to blend in to your tried and tested seduction routine the important task of finding and putting on a condom.
But, with just a little preparation, protecting yourself and your partner doesn’t have to be a passion killer. There are plenty of tricks you can use to keep the rhythm going without relying on the rhythm method. And remember, it doesn’t get much less romantic than an unplanned pregnancy or a sexually transmitted infection.

Here, just in time for Valentine’s Day, Terrence Higgins Trust is offering our top ten tips on how to practice safer sex and keep it sexy.

1.“Hang on! Hang on! I know it’s in here somewhere.” There’s nothing worse than having to scrabble around at the bottom of the pants drawer in the dark while your partner lies there, frustrated. To avoid unnecessary hold-ups, you should store your condoms in a special ‘Love Box’ beside the bed, and only open it when it looks like sex might be on the cards. Not only will this keep your condoms in a cool, dry place (as per the manufacturer’s instructions), when you see your other half reaching for the box, you’ll know you’re in for a treat.

2.If you’re heading out on a romantic dinner date, there’s an easy way to use condoms as a sign of good things to come. Surreptitiously slip one inside your partner’s purse or wallet, so that when they pull it out to pay their share (or the whole bill, depending on how lucky you are) they’ll immediately know what sort of after-dinner entertainment you have planned.


3.No matter what the fashionistas say, beige is boring whichever way you wear it. To add visual impact to proceedings, you can now buy condoms in a whole rainbow of colours. There’s a shade to complement every skin tone, from preppy pastels to nu rave neons - you can even get glow in the dark ones and save money on candles. Why not choose a selection and have your own private catwalk show for two.


4.When using condoms for oral sex, it can make a real difference if it actually tastes good. Let’s face it, you’re doing your other half a favour so there’s no reason why you shouldn’t enjoy it too, is there? Condoms come in all sorts of flavours these days: chocolate, peppermint, cherry, even Tutti Frutti. Even better, with all that flavour and no calories, they’re the healthy option in more ways than one. You can enjoy a gastronomic tour with zero calorific content.


5.If you think it automatically breaks the rhythm to put a condom on, think again. It can be very sexy, if handled in the right way. Why not try putting the condom on your partner for him, either with your hand, or – for the more adventurous – with your mouth. Carefully place the condom with the opening between your lips, slightly unrolled, then sexily slide it all the way onto your partner’s penis. Be very careful to use your lips and tongue, not your teeth. If you do snag it with your teeth, start again; he won’t complain.


6.If it’s a loss of sensation that worries you, you might like to experiment with condoms that are thinner. Specially made thinner condoms are now just as durable as the regular sort but give a much more natural sensation. Why not also try out ribbed, shaped, or contoured varieties to give an extra pleasurable sensation.


7.Men, remember, when it comes to penises, it’s not one size fits all (and you definitely don’t want it to be one size splits all). Condoms are like bras: if it feels uncomfortable, you’re probably wearing the wrong size. There’s a whole industry making condoms to fit every possible length and girth, so don’t be afraid to try on something new for size.


8.Lubrication isn’t just for mechanics. You can use a water-based lubricant (KY Jelly, Wet Stuff, Astroglide) with a condom for much smoother, and therefore more enjoyable, sex. Dry condoms cause friction, which is uncomfortable and can cause the condom to break. You can even get special lubes to give you tantalising sensations, including warming and tingling varieties.


Make sure you steer clear of oil-based lubricants like baby oil or Vaseline though. They may be good for your skin, but they will weaken the condom and can cause it to break.


9.Practice makes perfect. Some people don’t like to use condoms because they find them tricky to put on, but - like sex itself - the more you do it the better you will get. You can get condoms for free from your GP surgery, GUM clinics, young person’s and family planning clinics, as well as many young people’s services. So why not stock up, find a private place and give yourself a refresher course without breaking the bank.


10.And finally, if you still don’t think condom use can be romantic, think about this: what can be more romantic than making love and protecting each other’s health at the same time? Happy Valentine’s Day from Terrence Higgins Trust!